Archive for July, 2011

Don’t Like Your Friends? May Not Like Yourself.

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 25, 2011

As a child, my father was always very inquisitive as to who my friends were as individuals.  He wanted to know everything about them and meet them before I could hang out with them.  He would inquire as to where they were from, who their parents were, and ask what them seemed like a million questions.  In my teen years, he asked less questions but the questions were more specific and he still had to meet them.  Partially because he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life and the other is because he understood what kind of influence our friends can have over us especially in early stages of developing our character and morals.  At the time it was a nuisance and now I see it as a blessing.

I have always considered myself blessed with an abundance of friends.  Up until the age of twenty-two I always had a plethora of great friends and attempted to spend as much time with all of them to make sure I developed each friendship.  To be honest it was exhausting, I had very little time for myself and had more what I would call “good” friends than great “friends”.  When you spread yourself too thin in any area you, you don’t ever really master anything and this includes relationships.  At 22 years old came chiropractic college and along with that came a ton more to do, which meant less and less time for activities outside of school causing me to condense the number of friends I had in my inner circle to an even smaller number.

In chiropractic school, I can remember telling my dad I was a bit overwhelmed one week because I had so many friends pulling me in so many directions. That day on the phone my dad taught a lesson that I have used as a basis for my current day friendships.  He said, “You can only have as many great friends that you can count on your one hand.” At first I was taken back and definitely wondering what I would do with the rest of my friends.  After much thought I began to re-organize my friends in a way that better served us all, not necessarily eliminating friendships but re-prioritizing them.  This lesson taught me that it is more important to be friendly to all and true friends with few.

Friends have a HUGE impact on who we are and who we become. Simply put, the people we spend our time with are the people we are most like.  I always challenge people to look at their five closest friends and to ask themselves if they like what they see? Because chances are it is like looking in a mirror! It’s crucial that we keep a pulse on our circle of influence so that we keep a pulse on the evolution of our character and morals.

Each year I go through all my relationships with my friends and give them a wellness check up.  I start by making a list of all my friends.  I look at the overall friendship account I have with them.  I make sure that we are both keeping the intricate balance between both deposits and withdraws so we keep the account in balance. I also look at their evolution as an individual and make sure it is still congruent with my belief and value system. Any friendships where I need to step it up, I make a conscious effort to contribute more.  On the contrary, any relationships that I feel have been overdrawn are assessed.  I then have a courageous (courageous because sometimes they are not easy to have) conversation with that individual.  This exercise holds me accountable to my friends and helps me maintain true to myself.

It is important to have friends. Friends are a blessing from God and the family we choose for ourselves.  As long as we keep a balance in our friendships so they don’t begin to alter who we are or alter our purpose. It has been said that we an individual is most like their five closest friends.  I can honestly say that I have some of the best friends in the world.  And that they contribute not only to who I am but to my purpose.  They make me a better person and elevate my happiness.  I am so thankful for each and every one of them.  While we have boundaries, we have no limits as to what we would do for each other! To ensure success, just as in anything else, friendships need Tender Loving Care! Like I tell my BFFs, that F is forever!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Love Thyself First

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 18, 2011

Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” The question is not should you love yourself but do you love yourself? I am not speaking of a vain, self-righteous, selfish love but rather a love of self-acceptance and understanding.

Loving yourself isn’t easy, about four years ago it was brought to my awareness that I didn’t really love myself.  Looking in the mirror and realizing I couldn’t say, “ I love you” to the person staring back at me was an eye opener.  I came to the realization like many that I didn’t really know myself enough to love myself.  It has been a constant journey and much like life it is a journey that continues as long as our breath continues. Learning to love myself has allowed me to in turn truly love others.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see a person created in God’s perfect image or a myriad of imperfections? To fully love oneself means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.   Loving yourself without reservation or saying “I love myself, but…” It is important to realize every person, bears their own unique characteristics and qualities.  We all vary in talent and ability. No one is perfect and it is those imperfections that make us an individual.  It is important that we know that we all have the ability to work on ourselves and are never done evolving into a better version of ourselves.

In order to love yourself more you must understand yourself more.  Just as in a relationship, getting to know someone allows you to better understand that person and from that understanding comes a greater level of acceptance. Start by realizing you are human and that you have the potential and capability to rise above anything that gets in your way.   It is important that you look and feel your best and to do so you must take care all aspects of yourself: physically, emotionally, and chemically.  You must love yourself enough to want the best for yourself in all areas and not just in a specific area.  Everything in life is about balance and moderation.

Physically, make sure you stay active by exercising and moving about.  Motion is life, making exercise a key aspect of longevity.  Chemically, we are organic beings and not chemical beings, make sure you eat proper foods and take in adequate water.  Remember food is fuel.  Emotionally, take time for yourself and just be still, continually learn, and meditate or pray and listen to God’s sweet voice.  All three aspects are important to maintain an overall level of wellness that creates life’s balance.  Chiropractic is awesome as it maintains nervous system function and addresses all three areas.  It has been an integral part in my journey to love myself for who I was created.

Loving yourself is a crucial foundation for all your relationships, because in order to love another you must first love yourself.  It is impossible to love another more than you love yourself, therefore loving yourself sets the standard for loving others.  By loving yourself more you actually have more love for others and the world needs more love.  So go ahead fall in love with yourself.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” –Dr. Seuss

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Be Still and Let God Move

Dr. Martha’s Monday Motivational

Monday, July 11, 2011

God moves through us. We are put on this earth to serve and to love. God is love and so should we be.  The Sufi poet Hafiz wrote:

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music
I am the concert from the mouth of every creature
singing with the myriad chorus

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music

We are all servants put on this earth to serve and love humanity.  This journey, called life, which we are on really isn’t about us, but rather about what we can do for others to enhance their journey.  Too many times individuals get wrapped up in the “What about me?” thoughts rather than the “What can I do for you?” mentality.  Once you make the shift in perspective, you will see the blessings that come with giving to others and doing for others.  The Universal law is simple: the more you give the more you receive.

There are so many ways to give to others and to allow God to use.  Each morning I have quiet time and I ask God to speak through me.  I let Him know that I am ready to be used and that I am available.  I ask God to guide me and place me where I need to be used.  Each day I say, “If you send them, I will serve them.” And periodically throughout the day I check in with Him by being still for a few minutes and letting Him speak to me.

I am constantly amazed that I am always at the right place at the right time.  Knowing that I am open to be used to serve anyone and everyone God willing sends me people to serve.  I love knowing that I am open to be used and that daily He moves through me.  I truly try to be a flute through which His breath moves, His loving breath.

In order to really be a servant you have to “let go and let God”. This is the hard part.  I know personally I still have to remind myself that I am not in control and that I am a servant put on this earth to fulfill my purpose.  While at times I have to have a conversation with myself and say, “Dr. Martha, it’s not about you! Girl, you are not in control anyways so just let go and let God move in the way He has to!” A conversation, which never fails to humble me and put me back on track.

Being still and allowing God to move through you allows you to stay on purpose. It’s in stillness that you silence the chatter that often clouds your thoughts and keeps you from hearing God’s voice.  When you are able to hear the sweet music of your soul, your soul’s purpose.  Start today, get still and start serving.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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