Posts Tagged Dr. Martha Nessler

Don’t Like Your Friends? May Not Like Yourself.

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 25, 2011

As a child, my father was always very inquisitive as to who my friends were as individuals.  He wanted to know everything about them and meet them before I could hang out with them.  He would inquire as to where they were from, who their parents were, and ask what them seemed like a million questions.  In my teen years, he asked less questions but the questions were more specific and he still had to meet them.  Partially because he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life and the other is because he understood what kind of influence our friends can have over us especially in early stages of developing our character and morals.  At the time it was a nuisance and now I see it as a blessing.

I have always considered myself blessed with an abundance of friends.  Up until the age of twenty-two I always had a plethora of great friends and attempted to spend as much time with all of them to make sure I developed each friendship.  To be honest it was exhausting, I had very little time for myself and had more what I would call “good” friends than great “friends”.  When you spread yourself too thin in any area you, you don’t ever really master anything and this includes relationships.  At 22 years old came chiropractic college and along with that came a ton more to do, which meant less and less time for activities outside of school causing me to condense the number of friends I had in my inner circle to an even smaller number.

In chiropractic school, I can remember telling my dad I was a bit overwhelmed one week because I had so many friends pulling me in so many directions. That day on the phone my dad taught a lesson that I have used as a basis for my current day friendships.  He said, “You can only have as many great friends that you can count on your one hand.” At first I was taken back and definitely wondering what I would do with the rest of my friends.  After much thought I began to re-organize my friends in a way that better served us all, not necessarily eliminating friendships but re-prioritizing them.  This lesson taught me that it is more important to be friendly to all and true friends with few.

Friends have a HUGE impact on who we are and who we become. Simply put, the people we spend our time with are the people we are most like.  I always challenge people to look at their five closest friends and to ask themselves if they like what they see? Because chances are it is like looking in a mirror! It’s crucial that we keep a pulse on our circle of influence so that we keep a pulse on the evolution of our character and morals.

Each year I go through all my relationships with my friends and give them a wellness check up.  I start by making a list of all my friends.  I look at the overall friendship account I have with them.  I make sure that we are both keeping the intricate balance between both deposits and withdraws so we keep the account in balance. I also look at their evolution as an individual and make sure it is still congruent with my belief and value system. Any friendships where I need to step it up, I make a conscious effort to contribute more.  On the contrary, any relationships that I feel have been overdrawn are assessed.  I then have a courageous (courageous because sometimes they are not easy to have) conversation with that individual.  This exercise holds me accountable to my friends and helps me maintain true to myself.

It is important to have friends. Friends are a blessing from God and the family we choose for ourselves.  As long as we keep a balance in our friendships so they don’t begin to alter who we are or alter our purpose. It has been said that we an individual is most like their five closest friends.  I can honestly say that I have some of the best friends in the world.  And that they contribute not only to who I am but to my purpose.  They make me a better person and elevate my happiness.  I am so thankful for each and every one of them.  While we have boundaries, we have no limits as to what we would do for each other! To ensure success, just as in anything else, friendships need Tender Loving Care! Like I tell my BFFs, that F is forever!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Love Thyself First

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 18, 2011

Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” The question is not should you love yourself but do you love yourself? I am not speaking of a vain, self-righteous, selfish love but rather a love of self-acceptance and understanding.

Loving yourself isn’t easy, about four years ago it was brought to my awareness that I didn’t really love myself.  Looking in the mirror and realizing I couldn’t say, “ I love you” to the person staring back at me was an eye opener.  I came to the realization like many that I didn’t really know myself enough to love myself.  It has been a constant journey and much like life it is a journey that continues as long as our breath continues. Learning to love myself has allowed me to in turn truly love others.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see a person created in God’s perfect image or a myriad of imperfections? To fully love oneself means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.   Loving yourself without reservation or saying “I love myself, but…” It is important to realize every person, bears their own unique characteristics and qualities.  We all vary in talent and ability. No one is perfect and it is those imperfections that make us an individual.  It is important that we know that we all have the ability to work on ourselves and are never done evolving into a better version of ourselves.

In order to love yourself more you must understand yourself more.  Just as in a relationship, getting to know someone allows you to better understand that person and from that understanding comes a greater level of acceptance. Start by realizing you are human and that you have the potential and capability to rise above anything that gets in your way.   It is important that you look and feel your best and to do so you must take care all aspects of yourself: physically, emotionally, and chemically.  You must love yourself enough to want the best for yourself in all areas and not just in a specific area.  Everything in life is about balance and moderation.

Physically, make sure you stay active by exercising and moving about.  Motion is life, making exercise a key aspect of longevity.  Chemically, we are organic beings and not chemical beings, make sure you eat proper foods and take in adequate water.  Remember food is fuel.  Emotionally, take time for yourself and just be still, continually learn, and meditate or pray and listen to God’s sweet voice.  All three aspects are important to maintain an overall level of wellness that creates life’s balance.  Chiropractic is awesome as it maintains nervous system function and addresses all three areas.  It has been an integral part in my journey to love myself for who I was created.

Loving yourself is a crucial foundation for all your relationships, because in order to love another you must first love yourself.  It is impossible to love another more than you love yourself, therefore loving yourself sets the standard for loving others.  By loving yourself more you actually have more love for others and the world needs more love.  So go ahead fall in love with yourself.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” –Dr. Seuss

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Be Still and Let God Move

Dr. Martha’s Monday Motivational

Monday, July 11, 2011

God moves through us. We are put on this earth to serve and to love. God is love and so should we be.  The Sufi poet Hafiz wrote:

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music
I am the concert from the mouth of every creature
singing with the myriad chorus

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music

We are all servants put on this earth to serve and love humanity.  This journey, called life, which we are on really isn’t about us, but rather about what we can do for others to enhance their journey.  Too many times individuals get wrapped up in the “What about me?” thoughts rather than the “What can I do for you?” mentality.  Once you make the shift in perspective, you will see the blessings that come with giving to others and doing for others.  The Universal law is simple: the more you give the more you receive.

There are so many ways to give to others and to allow God to use.  Each morning I have quiet time and I ask God to speak through me.  I let Him know that I am ready to be used and that I am available.  I ask God to guide me and place me where I need to be used.  Each day I say, “If you send them, I will serve them.” And periodically throughout the day I check in with Him by being still for a few minutes and letting Him speak to me.

I am constantly amazed that I am always at the right place at the right time.  Knowing that I am open to be used to serve anyone and everyone God willing sends me people to serve.  I love knowing that I am open to be used and that daily He moves through me.  I truly try to be a flute through which His breath moves, His loving breath.

In order to really be a servant you have to “let go and let God”. This is the hard part.  I know personally I still have to remind myself that I am not in control and that I am a servant put on this earth to fulfill my purpose.  While at times I have to have a conversation with myself and say, “Dr. Martha, it’s not about you! Girl, you are not in control anyways so just let go and let God move in the way He has to!” A conversation, which never fails to humble me and put me back on track.

Being still and allowing God to move through you allows you to stay on purpose. It’s in stillness that you silence the chatter that often clouds your thoughts and keeps you from hearing God’s voice.  When you are able to hear the sweet music of your soul, your soul’s purpose.  Start today, get still and start serving.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Stepping Stones in The Journey of Life

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivation

Monday, June 6th, 2011

This past weekend I had the honor of standing in support of my brother, Jon Nessler, as he married the love of his life, Morgan Finley.  I have had the honor of standing up in many weddings, nineteen to be exact.  It is unexplainable to stand with a couple as they pledge their love and devotion to one another and begin their journey as one.

As Morgan walked down the aisle toward my brother, his face in awe as his bride approached him, my eyes filled with tears of joy.  As the oldest sibling I have always wanted the best for each of my brothers and my sister and the look on his face let me know that he had found that in Morgan.  I knew the day he met her something was different about her and as their solo journey continued, I knew they would share a joined journey in this life together.

Life really is all about the journey and not the destination; to me destination is too final.  Personally, I don’t know that there is a set destination but rather stepping stones at which we stop along the way.  Each stepping stone is an opportunity to reflect.

As we travel the journey of life we constantly evolve.  We grow from our experiences, the places we go, and the people we meet. At a stepping-stone it is a great time to evaluate all that you have picked up along the way and show gratitude for the person you have become.  It is also a great place to drop of excess baggage that is slowing your pace on your journey. Excess baggage is anything that is holding us back from being the best versions of ourselves.  Stepping-stones are necessary and pivotal. They are chapters in our book of life.

I am in the process of writing a book about my life, so I have been taking a detailed walk down memory lane.  I am so grateful for the journey that has brought me to the stepping-stone I stand today and I am eager to continue to the next.  Looking back over my life I can’t say that I regret any of my stops along the way.  I am grateful for each one, as it has contributed to the person I have become and am excited to watch myself grow as I reach the next.

I realized I haven’t always done the necessary house keeping at every stepping stone so at the one I am currently at I chose to assess the stepping stones that brought me to the stone I stand today.  House keeping to me is the same as tying up loose ends as to close one door before opening the next.  What an awesome process, while it was some what exhausting it was exilirating to know that I would be moving forward FREE.

Looking back over my journey has reminded me that we are all constantly evolving into better versions of the person we were just the minute before.  I have come so far in my thirty-one years and I can’t wait to see who I am in my next 31.  I think we all need to take a little time to reflect on where we have been, I think knowing where you have been gives you a better sense of where you want to go.

For Jon and Morgan this was a HUGE stepping-stone.  At this stone they joined together in each other’s journey, their two journeys became one.  Their next stepping stone will allow them to see how far they have come and give them a refreshed excitement of where they are headed.  The same holds true for all of us.  Take some time to reflect and give thanks, then sit back and enjoy the journey.

Dr. Martha Nessler

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

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Are You In A Relationship Triangle?

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, May 30, 2011

Are you in a relationship triangle? And no I don’t mean a confusing triangle involving you and two other people that is full of drama and question marks. I am speaking of a relationship triangle that involves you, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals you have for your relationship.  I have used the relationship triangle since I was 16 years old, when I  used it to explain to my boyfriend at the time why we weren’t going to work; we simply had different goals and were headed in different directions.  I have used it many times and it has served me well.

Relationships come in many types with the most common being love, work, friendship, and family.  In every relationship the objective is to grow closer while the level of closeness varies the objective remains to move in a direction that creates a bond of trust and respect.  To facilitate the growth of relationships both parties have to be working toward the same set of goals that will allow the relationship to strengthen.  If both parties are not moving toward the same goals they move apart from each person because one person grows while the other remains idle, barely moves, or regresses. It’s inevitable if one person loses focus of the relationship that rather than growing closer the two parties begin to gain distance and their bond weakens. The relationship triangle is a great tool that allows you to facilitate growth in your relationships.  All you need is a pen, piece of paper, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals of the relationship.

Draw a triangle, a perfect equilateral triangle.  In one lower corner write your name and draw an arrow pointing up toward the tip of the triangle and do the same thing in the opposing corner with the other person in the relationship Now with that person begin to get clear on the goals of the relationship, clearly write them at the top of the triangle.  When both people are working toward the goals of the relationship then both begin to move closer to the tip and therefore closer together.  When someone begins to get lax or loses focus the two grow farther and farther apart.  The triangle is a great tool to facilitate growth.

I, personally, use the triangle in all my relationships and am now introducing it in to my practice.  The relationship triangle will allow me to help my practice members to clearly define and reach their goals and stay focused.  I place  “Dr. Martha and team” in one corner and the practice members name in the opposing.  At the tip I write out all their goals and ask them to get crystal clear on what exactly health looks like for them if they could have anything they want and what that looks like.   It allows them to clearly define their goals and to know what they are working toward.  The relationship triangle also keeps them accountable because at the top you also write your goals for them so they know exactly what you expect from them.  Expectation management is crucial in successful relationships keeping everyone on the same page and headed toward the same goal.  Giving your practice member a “map” such as the relationship triangle allows them to know where chiropractic is taking them and keeps them on track.  The relationship triangle is a great accountability for the chiropractor and the practice member.  My practice members are responding with enthusiasm and thanking me for the “map”.

Just as this triangle works in practice member-chiropractor relationships it works in all relationships allowing clarity, expectation management, and facilitating growth.  It is important to know where you are headed in any relationship.  I always say if you don’t know where you are headed, how do you know where you are going? The relationship triangle keeps everyone focused!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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My Walk Through BJ Palmer’s World

Dr.  Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, May 23,  2011

“Walk a mile in a man’s shoes and you will see what it is like to be him and you may shift your perspective”, my grandmother said this to me any time I began to judge another.  It was an awesome lesson to learn at such a young age and I have used it many times throughout my life.  This is simple lesson has allowed me to view the world with eyes wide open.

This weekend I attended the Winner’s Circle Weekend put on by The Masters Circle in Sarasota, Fl.   Knowing that BJ Palmer had a house there where he spent his last days and wrote many of his books, I had a hunch what one event of the “secret” weekend might be a visit there.  Little did I know the entire weekend I would be walking in BJ Palmer’s shoes?

Friday morning we started the day at BJ’s house.  As I exited the van, a silence swept over me as I realized I was about to walk through the house where BJ walked, slept, ate, had conversations with friends, wrote books, dreamed, passed on from his mortal life, and so much more.  I was overwhelmed with emotions and still at this time I don’t think I could fully list all the emotions I felt; it may take awhile or I may never delineate them.

My journey began walking up the driveway and past his dolphin fountain, his head cast, and his signature in cement I felt a sense of overwhelm realizing I was walking through a piece of history.  I walked up the vibrant, primary stone path that lead to the door and entered into the developer of chiropractic’s home and for the two hours I was allotted I would be slipping into his shoes and see the world as he saw it.  I’ve always loved seeing friends homes, in my opinion, it allows you to see who they really as our homes are expressions of who we are as individuals.

As I walked through his house it was eclectic to say the least, some said it was wild and I even heard “weird” to me it felt just right. I can honestly say it felt like home.  I’ve been through so many museums; my dad wanted us to know our history, and in all the museums I have been through I have never been to one that was so “real”.  Dr. Sid, who has a summer residence next door, did an awesome job preserving BJ’s home and in doing so has preserved BJ’s legacy.

BJ’s house was an expression of who he was a brilliant visionary and took the idea of his father and made it a household name.  Love him or hate him he believed in Innate and knew that’s expression was imperative for full expression of life. His house was much the same, an expression of his life.  The house was filled with history; I thoroughly walked each hallway making sure to absorb every bit of information possible.

I had several pivotal moments but want to share with you the three most pivotal.  As I stood in his bedroom at the foot of the bed in which he passed flipping through pictures and paperwork in plastic coverings.  In one of the plastic coverings was the death certificate of BJ and DD right next to each other.  On the back of the same plastic covering were photos of his funeral.  Even as I write this, I am overwhelmed with emotion. One photo was an image of him in his casket, as I looked at his face laying there tears filled my eyes.  At that time his death was so real and I quietly thanked him for the strength of his vision and for fulfilling his purpose regardless of what anyone thought and regardless of the opposition. BJ is truly a pioneer and he is a man of strength, dedication, and determination. We could all learn a lot from BJ Palmer and the foundation he laid so that chiropractic has its place. We MUST preserve our heritage.

My next pivotal moment was in the same room where I stepped into his giant wooden clogs, they were huge.  The moment I slid my feet into the clogs, I attempted to wrap myself around the realization of what big shoes I have to fill.  I have always thought that but this time my thought was a bit different.  This time I didn’t ask how I was going to get them to fit or wonder when I was going to “grow into them”. This time I just accepted these were my shoes and I would make them fit.  I was handed the shoes of BJ, DD, and many others the day I received my diploma and especially with the current state of chiropractic, I have no choice but to wear them even if I have to shove toilet paper into them to make them fit or wear two pairs of socks.  I also realized I wouldn’t have been given the shoes if I wasn’t prepared to wear them and that it was my own thoughts keeping them from fitting.  Regardless, since that day I have thought twice about the shoes I was called to step into and I have been wearing them with even more pride.

The last moment was extremely personal and hit me at a soul level.  There was a picture on the wall about leadership.  To sum it up, as I don’t have know it verbatim, leadership is lonely at times, the more opposition you face and more you are thought to be controversial the more you are leading.  Isn’t that the truth? I heard many times how “weird” or “strange” BJ was all throughout the day.   Was he “weird”? I guess. Define “weird”.  Personally, I have always been told I was “weird” and I guess just like anything in life its all perception.  In regards to BJ I will say he was eclectic, he was vibrant, he loved life and it’s expression regardless of what others thought, he dreamed big, he knew he knew the truth, wasn’t going to settle for current paradigms, saw a vision bigger than life, was determined to fulfill his purpose, and saw the world in the terms of what he knew could be rather than what won’t be.  Call it “weird” if you want BUT his “weird” got us where we are today. That day in Sarasota, I really resonated with who BJ was and were he came from and realized that “weird” means leader.  That day I realized that being “weird” means your vision is vast, that your purpose is intense, and that your convictions are deeply rooted and regardless of opposition you forge ahead.  In this case I am definitely “weird” and extremely proud.

After we left his house, we headed to the Ringing Brothers Circus Museum.  BJ loved the circus and spent a great deal of time at the circus. The circus was in fact why he moved to Sarasota.  Having heard before of BJ’s love of the circus and questioning it, after seeing his house I now knew why he loved the circus.  It goes back to being “weird”.  The circus is “weird” with the fat lady, the fire breathers, sword swallowers, and vast array of unique individuals; I guarantee none of them ever thought BJ was “weird”.  And as an added piece of info, there was an adjusting table in the Ringling Brothers home!

Saturday we were blessed to have Dr. Simon Senzon share with us even more history on BJ Palmer’s life.  He truly was an amazing man, some information was a refresher and other information was new both took my love and admiration for BJ to the next level.  Having walked through his house just 24 hours prior made me feel that much closer to the developer of our profession and even more grateful.

We could all stand to learn from BJ and realize that we must continually fulfill his vision, not for him, not for us, but for our future.  We are borrowing this profession from our future just as BJ borrowed from us.  May 27, 2011 marks the 50th anniversary of his death.  On May 27th, I encourage you to join me as I sit silently and get even more clear on my vision, mission, and purpose not for me but for chiropractic and as a thank you to BJ for borrowing from me and giving it back better than he found it.

Thank you DD and BJ Palmer you are true visionaries and I am eternally grateful for your strength and determination.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.
Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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Can You Fall in Love With What You Do?

Dr. Martha’s Monday Motivational

Monday, May 16, 2011

Can you remember the first time you fell “in love”.  I was twelve years old and his name was Greg.  I thought he hung the moon.  He was the cool basketball player and I was a cheerleader.  In my mind he was a hunk and I was a super lucky girl to be “going out” with him. Because we were in love I felt the need to tell everyone.  I wanted to make sure that everyone knew I was head over heels for Greg.  To make sure that everyone was clear he was mine I wrote his name on my jeans in pen (crossing fingers it would be permanent), I scribbled “I heart Greg” on my new white Keds, and made sure when decorating for basketball games my pom-pom hung on the wall by his basketball.  It didn’t matter what others thought, it only matter that they knew I was all about Greg. As a constant reminder to all that he was mine I made sure to talk about him constantly day and night.  Plain and simple, I was in love with Greg!

Looking back I am not sure I was really “in love” or maybe it’s just that my understanding of what “in love” is has just changed.  One thing I do know is that I really, really liked Greg and was passionate about him.  As I have aged falling in love is different, more real and with more substance. I have also come to the realization that falling in love is not limited to finding a mate.

What is falling love? I think it varies from person to person and from personality type to type, especially when we look at its expression.  But, across the board its safe to say that falling in love creates a sense of invincibility that enables an individual do what may be considered “crazy”. The intense emotions that come from falling love almost gives the impression that when in love you are exactly that invincible.

The intensity of being “in love” escalates with age.  Where in junior high you simply write on your jeans or held hands everywhere you went the stakes change.  Driving hundreds of miles to spend a few hours with someone, talking endless hours on the phone, staying awake to talk rather than sleep, or even serenading publicly despite being tone deaf are all things which being in love will drive you to perform.  Just like the stakes change as we age they also change when we go from person to career.

Passion can be equated to falling in love.  We have all met those people who absolutely love what they do.  Their sheer love of what they do evokes strong emotion from all who they come in contact with,  paving a way for others to get lost in their euphoria.  We call these people passionate and you could safely say that they were “in love” with what they do. Just talking to them gets your heart racing you are flooded with feel good endorphins. Listening to them express love for their what they do allows you, for a moment in time, to escape your world and enter into theirs.  Many times their passion evokes such emotion that  you are lead to purchase what they have to sell or find yourself wanting to learn more about their art or product.  Passionate people will do whatever it takes to convey their message.  They will write about it, wear clothing that expresses and educates, spend countless hours enhancing their knowledge, increasing awareness to the public, and the list goes on.  Regardless of what they do it is safe to assume they are in love with their art.

Do people know what you do?  Would people call you passionate? Does your love of what you do evoke an emotion from others? If so, awesome, keep up the great work! If not and it’s what you want then start to take ownership.  Give yourself permission to fall in love with what you do. When we fall in love with a person the return is their love that gives a warmth in our heart and drives us to love more.  Falling in love what you do is similar as it gives a return in the form of fulfillment and purpose compelling us to pour more of ourselves into what we do.  The passion then becomes the fuel that drives us

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

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