Are You In A Relationship Triangle?

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, May 30, 2011

Are you in a relationship triangle? And no I don’t mean a confusing triangle involving you and two other people that is full of drama and question marks. I am speaking of a relationship triangle that involves you, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals you have for your relationship.  I have used the relationship triangle since I was 16 years old, when I  used it to explain to my boyfriend at the time why we weren’t going to work; we simply had different goals and were headed in different directions.  I have used it many times and it has served me well.

Relationships come in many types with the most common being love, work, friendship, and family.  In every relationship the objective is to grow closer while the level of closeness varies the objective remains to move in a direction that creates a bond of trust and respect.  To facilitate the growth of relationships both parties have to be working toward the same set of goals that will allow the relationship to strengthen.  If both parties are not moving toward the same goals they move apart from each person because one person grows while the other remains idle, barely moves, or regresses. It’s inevitable if one person loses focus of the relationship that rather than growing closer the two parties begin to gain distance and their bond weakens. The relationship triangle is a great tool that allows you to facilitate growth in your relationships.  All you need is a pen, piece of paper, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals of the relationship.

Draw a triangle, a perfect equilateral triangle.  In one lower corner write your name and draw an arrow pointing up toward the tip of the triangle and do the same thing in the opposing corner with the other person in the relationship Now with that person begin to get clear on the goals of the relationship, clearly write them at the top of the triangle.  When both people are working toward the goals of the relationship then both begin to move closer to the tip and therefore closer together.  When someone begins to get lax or loses focus the two grow farther and farther apart.  The triangle is a great tool to facilitate growth.

I, personally, use the triangle in all my relationships and am now introducing it in to my practice.  The relationship triangle will allow me to help my practice members to clearly define and reach their goals and stay focused.  I place  “Dr. Martha and team” in one corner and the practice members name in the opposing.  At the tip I write out all their goals and ask them to get crystal clear on what exactly health looks like for them if they could have anything they want and what that looks like.   It allows them to clearly define their goals and to know what they are working toward.  The relationship triangle also keeps them accountable because at the top you also write your goals for them so they know exactly what you expect from them.  Expectation management is crucial in successful relationships keeping everyone on the same page and headed toward the same goal.  Giving your practice member a “map” such as the relationship triangle allows them to know where chiropractic is taking them and keeps them on track.  The relationship triangle is a great accountability for the chiropractor and the practice member.  My practice members are responding with enthusiasm and thanking me for the “map”.

Just as this triangle works in practice member-chiropractor relationships it works in all relationships allowing clarity, expectation management, and facilitating growth.  It is important to know where you are headed in any relationship.  I always say if you don’t know where you are headed, how do you know where you are going? The relationship triangle keeps everyone focused!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl