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Innate Love,

 

Dr. Martha Nessler

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Don’t Like Your Friends? May Not Like Yourself.

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 25, 2011

As a child, my father was always very inquisitive as to who my friends were as individuals.  He wanted to know everything about them and meet them before I could hang out with them.  He would inquire as to where they were from, who their parents were, and ask what them seemed like a million questions.  In my teen years, he asked less questions but the questions were more specific and he still had to meet them.  Partially because he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life and the other is because he understood what kind of influence our friends can have over us especially in early stages of developing our character and morals.  At the time it was a nuisance and now I see it as a blessing.

I have always considered myself blessed with an abundance of friends.  Up until the age of twenty-two I always had a plethora of great friends and attempted to spend as much time with all of them to make sure I developed each friendship.  To be honest it was exhausting, I had very little time for myself and had more what I would call “good” friends than great “friends”.  When you spread yourself too thin in any area you, you don’t ever really master anything and this includes relationships.  At 22 years old came chiropractic college and along with that came a ton more to do, which meant less and less time for activities outside of school causing me to condense the number of friends I had in my inner circle to an even smaller number.

In chiropractic school, I can remember telling my dad I was a bit overwhelmed one week because I had so many friends pulling me in so many directions. That day on the phone my dad taught a lesson that I have used as a basis for my current day friendships.  He said, “You can only have as many great friends that you can count on your one hand.” At first I was taken back and definitely wondering what I would do with the rest of my friends.  After much thought I began to re-organize my friends in a way that better served us all, not necessarily eliminating friendships but re-prioritizing them.  This lesson taught me that it is more important to be friendly to all and true friends with few.

Friends have a HUGE impact on who we are and who we become. Simply put, the people we spend our time with are the people we are most like.  I always challenge people to look at their five closest friends and to ask themselves if they like what they see? Because chances are it is like looking in a mirror! It’s crucial that we keep a pulse on our circle of influence so that we keep a pulse on the evolution of our character and morals.

Each year I go through all my relationships with my friends and give them a wellness check up.  I start by making a list of all my friends.  I look at the overall friendship account I have with them.  I make sure that we are both keeping the intricate balance between both deposits and withdraws so we keep the account in balance. I also look at their evolution as an individual and make sure it is still congruent with my belief and value system. Any friendships where I need to step it up, I make a conscious effort to contribute more.  On the contrary, any relationships that I feel have been overdrawn are assessed.  I then have a courageous (courageous because sometimes they are not easy to have) conversation with that individual.  This exercise holds me accountable to my friends and helps me maintain true to myself.

It is important to have friends. Friends are a blessing from God and the family we choose for ourselves.  As long as we keep a balance in our friendships so they don’t begin to alter who we are or alter our purpose. It has been said that we an individual is most like their five closest friends.  I can honestly say that I have some of the best friends in the world.  And that they contribute not only to who I am but to my purpose.  They make me a better person and elevate my happiness.  I am so thankful for each and every one of them.  While we have boundaries, we have no limits as to what we would do for each other! To ensure success, just as in anything else, friendships need Tender Loving Care! Like I tell my BFFs, that F is forever!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Love Thyself First

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 18, 2011

Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” The question is not should you love yourself but do you love yourself? I am not speaking of a vain, self-righteous, selfish love but rather a love of self-acceptance and understanding.

Loving yourself isn’t easy, about four years ago it was brought to my awareness that I didn’t really love myself.  Looking in the mirror and realizing I couldn’t say, “ I love you” to the person staring back at me was an eye opener.  I came to the realization like many that I didn’t really know myself enough to love myself.  It has been a constant journey and much like life it is a journey that continues as long as our breath continues. Learning to love myself has allowed me to in turn truly love others.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see a person created in God’s perfect image or a myriad of imperfections? To fully love oneself means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.   Loving yourself without reservation or saying “I love myself, but…” It is important to realize every person, bears their own unique characteristics and qualities.  We all vary in talent and ability. No one is perfect and it is those imperfections that make us an individual.  It is important that we know that we all have the ability to work on ourselves and are never done evolving into a better version of ourselves.

In order to love yourself more you must understand yourself more.  Just as in a relationship, getting to know someone allows you to better understand that person and from that understanding comes a greater level of acceptance. Start by realizing you are human and that you have the potential and capability to rise above anything that gets in your way.   It is important that you look and feel your best and to do so you must take care all aspects of yourself: physically, emotionally, and chemically.  You must love yourself enough to want the best for yourself in all areas and not just in a specific area.  Everything in life is about balance and moderation.

Physically, make sure you stay active by exercising and moving about.  Motion is life, making exercise a key aspect of longevity.  Chemically, we are organic beings and not chemical beings, make sure you eat proper foods and take in adequate water.  Remember food is fuel.  Emotionally, take time for yourself and just be still, continually learn, and meditate or pray and listen to God’s sweet voice.  All three aspects are important to maintain an overall level of wellness that creates life’s balance.  Chiropractic is awesome as it maintains nervous system function and addresses all three areas.  It has been an integral part in my journey to love myself for who I was created.

Loving yourself is a crucial foundation for all your relationships, because in order to love another you must first love yourself.  It is impossible to love another more than you love yourself, therefore loving yourself sets the standard for loving others.  By loving yourself more you actually have more love for others and the world needs more love.  So go ahead fall in love with yourself.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” –Dr. Seuss

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Be Still and Let God Move

Dr. Martha’s Monday Motivational

Monday, July 11, 2011

God moves through us. We are put on this earth to serve and to love. God is love and so should we be.  The Sufi poet Hafiz wrote:

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music
I am the concert from the mouth of every creature
singing with the myriad chorus

I am a hole in a flute
that the Christ’s breath moves through
listen to this music

We are all servants put on this earth to serve and love humanity.  This journey, called life, which we are on really isn’t about us, but rather about what we can do for others to enhance their journey.  Too many times individuals get wrapped up in the “What about me?” thoughts rather than the “What can I do for you?” mentality.  Once you make the shift in perspective, you will see the blessings that come with giving to others and doing for others.  The Universal law is simple: the more you give the more you receive.

There are so many ways to give to others and to allow God to use.  Each morning I have quiet time and I ask God to speak through me.  I let Him know that I am ready to be used and that I am available.  I ask God to guide me and place me where I need to be used.  Each day I say, “If you send them, I will serve them.” And periodically throughout the day I check in with Him by being still for a few minutes and letting Him speak to me.

I am constantly amazed that I am always at the right place at the right time.  Knowing that I am open to be used to serve anyone and everyone God willing sends me people to serve.  I love knowing that I am open to be used and that daily He moves through me.  I truly try to be a flute through which His breath moves, His loving breath.

In order to really be a servant you have to “let go and let God”. This is the hard part.  I know personally I still have to remind myself that I am not in control and that I am a servant put on this earth to fulfill my purpose.  While at times I have to have a conversation with myself and say, “Dr. Martha, it’s not about you! Girl, you are not in control anyways so just let go and let God move in the way He has to!” A conversation, which never fails to humble me and put me back on track.

Being still and allowing God to move through you allows you to stay on purpose. It’s in stillness that you silence the chatter that often clouds your thoughts and keeps you from hearing God’s voice.  When you are able to hear the sweet music of your soul, your soul’s purpose.  Start today, get still and start serving.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Stillness in the Eye of the Storm Stay Well

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Wednesday, June 27, 2011

This spring there was an extremely large number of tornadoes that unleashed their devastation upon thousands and thousands of people. Tornadoes are intense; they are a destructive vortex of violent winds that rotate and  form a funnel.   This funnel wreaks havoc on anything in its path.  While the gusting winds produced by the tornado are intense and dangerous; tornadoes are most powerful in their center.  The center of the tornado is called the “eye”, which is where we get the term “eye of the storm”. Aren’t the tornadoes in our lives the same? At the height of the situation, they are more emotional and consume more of our energy.  Storms in our lives are much like storms in nature, their duration, severity, and devastation vary.

Often in our own lives we get in tornadoes of intense emotion; sometimes we know we are in the tornado and other times we have no idea until we are out. Recently, I was in a tornado in my own life.  An emotional tornado in which I believed I was in control.  Now that I am out I realize the intensity of the storm and the power of which it had over me.  But, even in the most intense times of the storm I remember thinking “I have this”.  Of course I did, I was in the eye of the storm, the center, where the storm is the most powerful.  As an emotional being I took on the power of the storm and assumed that power as my own when in fact I was powerless.

Much like in the aftermath of a storm I am currently being still and in the stillness I am able to reflect.  It is so important that after storms we take time to heal and allow ourselves to go through the collage of emotions that come with such a storm.  After a natural devastation, towns take time to heal and rebuild, the same is necessary for us as human beings.  We need time to reflect on what we learned, what the process meant, and where we are going now in our journey.  Being still is hard especially for energetic people like me but it is crucial.  In stillness we are able to re-connect with our own heart and hear the song of our soul.  With stillness comes clarity and with clarity comes gratitude.

Gratitude is interesting, so often we are only grateful for what we consider to be a positive blessing and what we consider to be negative we think of as a nuisance rather than acknowledging it for the part it played in our lives.  I always remind people that it is important to find gratitude for all things even the ones that we view as negative.  I say “view” because it is the connotation we give the situation as opposed to the reality of the situation.  Much as anything in life “everything is nothing until we give it meaning in one way or the other”.  Many times natural storms and disasters are viewed as negative because of the destruction when they are a necessary evil so that the universe can remain in balance.  We just give them a negative meaning because of the destruction rather than realizing it is all a part of the process and it is still imperative that we express gratitude.

We will always have storms; they are a part of life.  As in any situation, embracing it for the growth that it is providing is more beneficial than having resentment for the pain that may come with it.  Giving it the recognition it deserves for the lessons it brought to you is when healing begins to take place.  Fully embrace each and every minute of this wonderful life you live even the ones that are less enjoyable.  Life requires balance to keep you in balance, don’t try to fight it or understand it.  Sit back and allow the process to unfold.

Trying to fight natural process causes un-needed stress.  In today’s society, we are inundated with stress in all forms: chemical, physical, and emotional.  Stress is toxic to the body and causes dis-ease within the body; dis-ease leads to disease.  Attempting to fight situations, stressing over their outcome, or attempting to control or re-direct the outcome causes stress to your overall body.  Stress has a direct effect on your nervous system, which affects your immune system and your overall wellness.  Letting go of the outcome is not always easy but is necessary to keep your stress down and your wellness up! It will all play out!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Wake Up the Wellness Alarm Clock is Ringing

Monday, June 20, 2011

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

I have decided that I am not weird or normal. Rather I am awake.  On my plane ride to EPOC Omaha I got into an in depth discussion with the two gentlemen, Phil and William, in my row.  They were both at two different places, Phil was newly diagnosed with Celiac and wanting to get into wellness and William was under chiropractic care and living the wellness lifestyle. We had an awesome conversation for the short 1-hour flight. Toward the end of conversation William told me that he loves meeting people who lives a lifestyle similar to his. I told him I wrote a bog about this exact topic where I questioned if a wellness lifestyle was really weird or was it normal.  He responded it’s neither; we are just awake.  I immediately wrote it down and told him that is exactly what we are.  We are awake.

Dictionary.com defines awake as to “wake up, to rouse up, and to come or bring to an awareness; become cognizant.”  As an example it states: “she awoke to the realities of life”.  Wow, to awake to the realities of life.  I know that is what I did.  What many may not know is that I was raised in the medical model.  I thought being sick was normal and that drugs and surgery were a must.  Honestly until I entered chiropractic school and met my boyfriend at the time I thought people who lived the current chiropractic and wellness lifestyle I live were weird.

I can honestly say that my ex-boyfriend woke me up! Very few people will say a positive thing about an ex let alone acknowledge them for waking them up to the power of wellness and chiropractic.  I can remember meeting Ryan when he was an intern and I was his patient.  During our visits he would question the medical paradigm I was under and the medi-practor belief system I had about chiropractic.  We definitely did not see eye to eye. Once he released me from his care and we started dating he began to educate me and inundate me with information.  Truthfully I thought he was crazy but cute and an amazing person. So, I began to try to see his points and began to educate myself. Throughout the years we dated I learned so much and I can honestly say I am the chiropractor I am today because of Ryan and his love of chiropractic.

Before meeting Ryan I was asleep.  Dictionary.com defines asleep as “in or into a state of sleep, into a dormant or inactive state; to rest, into the state of death”.  Wow, into the state of death! Exactly where I was headed.  I was on multiple antacids, taking a combination of prescription, over the counter, and Rolaids to get by all under the direction of my medical doctor. Year after year I was getting sicker and sicker and told that the goal was to stave off surgery for the multiple ulcers for as long as possible.  And that is exactly what happened from about twelve to twenty-one.  At 21 years old I woke up.  And thank God, sickness is not exactly the slumber that allows one to rest and heal as sleep is meant to do.

Since William Merrill reminded me I am not weird I am awake I have been looking around and a lot of people are sleeping.  Sleep walking, which makes it even more dangerous.  I got my wake up call in 2002 when I met Ryan.  I am so thankful that he shared the story with me and held my hand as I transitioned from my deep sleep and slowly gained back my life. I am forever grateful that he woke me up. The majority of the world needs a wake up call.  Their alarm has been ringing but comfortable in their sleepy state they keep hitting the snooze button.  Just like hitting the snooze button can make you late for work or cause you to miss a ride the same holds true in the terms of health.  Staying in the comfortable slumber of the medical paradigm may hold you back from living your life or even worse end your life.  It’s time to wake up there is a life out there worth living and your loved ones want to experience it with you!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Weird vs. Normal: Where Do You Fall?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Define weird.  I am becoming more and more confused about the word weird and what it means.  I also am unclear as to whether or not I want to be called weird. I am not really sure that I am the weird one.   More and more I am thinking that weird should be the new “normal” and I may just be ok with being weird.   Bottom line I believe that “weird” is really normal.

I love my life and I want to live it full out. I always say that I want to fulfill my purpose and live out my journey rather than have to stop my journey because I am unable to fulfill my purpose.  In other words, I want to be healthy, wealthy, agile, and surrounded by people I love.  It sure beats the alternative: old, crippled, broke, and alone! My wants define my daily actions.  Wanting to be healthy, wealthy, agile, and surrounded by loving like-minded people while I live my life full out means that I need to defy the social “norm”. To get different results you have to do things differently.

It has been said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results equates to being insane.  Our society is clearly insane. It has been proven that working out increases your overall wellness, decreases your chances of heart disease, elevates your mood, and prolongs your life.  Yet, people remain sedentary? It has been proven that a diet high in fruits & vegetables, lean meats, nuts, and healthy fats is the appropriate fuel to run the human body at full capacity.  Yet, people eat processed foods and ignore the negative affects of the chemicals in these foods? Pharmaceuticals are constantly being pulled off the market for their horrible side effects, causing death, and manifesting more symptoms.  Yet, people continue to believe that the newest pill is the magic pill? Water increases our metabolism, rids our body of toxins, and hydrates our cells; it is vital for life.  Yet, people ignore water to quench their thirst with a soda full of chemicals? Artificial sweeteners are neuro toxins and cause cancer and diabetes, and paralyze the belly of the muscle while poisoning EVERY cell in the human body.  Yet, people say they have to have one because they are addicted, yeah they are; they are chemically addicted.  Vaccines have numerous side effects that range from autism to weakened immune system to paralysis to death.  Yet, out of fear people continue to get these poisons injected into them without even knowing why? The list goes on and to me it is all so weird but in today’s society it appears to be normal.

I have a different definition of normal.  I define normal eating as consuming wide ranges of fruits and vegetables, eating healthy nuts and fats, lean meat for protein, and eliminating grains and dairy. So I follow this for my meal plans. Exercise is important, both aerobic and anaerobic, and I believe that movement creates life.  By working out I know I will increase my life expectancy, decrease dis-ease, and eliminate stress in my life and the feel good endorphins are great tool to stave off depression. So I work out 5 days a week. I know that I need water to increase my overall health, rid my body of toxins, and to hydrate my cells and alkaline water is even better.  So I drink half my body weight in ounces a day.  I believe in the power of positive thought and fully respect that my thoughts create my reality. So I do my best to remain in a positive frame of mind I know that we are not chemical beings and that drugs alter my natural state.  I cringe when I read the negative side effects and have no desire to make one symptom leave and replace it with another.  I know that humans are self -healing and that a balanced nervous system equates to a system free of dis-ease.  I know that dis-ease leads to disease so my chiropractor checks me once a week. I know the power of chiropractic so I get adjusted.   The combination of all the above provides the recipe necessary to live an optimal life.  To me this is normal and to others I appear to be weird.

Weird vs. normal, much like life it is how you look at it.  So, what am I? I’m me and I plan on living my life full out and enjoying every minute of it.  I want to make the most of my journey and make memories along the way.  I want to be pain free, healthy, wealthy, peaceful and in the company of great friends.  And most of all I want to bless others and share my love of life and my knowledge of wellness and if I get called weird along the way so be it! Weird or not you only get one life, live it full out.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler

Stepping Stones in The Journey of Life

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivation

Monday, June 6th, 2011

This past weekend I had the honor of standing in support of my brother, Jon Nessler, as he married the love of his life, Morgan Finley.  I have had the honor of standing up in many weddings, nineteen to be exact.  It is unexplainable to stand with a couple as they pledge their love and devotion to one another and begin their journey as one.

As Morgan walked down the aisle toward my brother, his face in awe as his bride approached him, my eyes filled with tears of joy.  As the oldest sibling I have always wanted the best for each of my brothers and my sister and the look on his face let me know that he had found that in Morgan.  I knew the day he met her something was different about her and as their solo journey continued, I knew they would share a joined journey in this life together.

Life really is all about the journey and not the destination; to me destination is too final.  Personally, I don’t know that there is a set destination but rather stepping stones at which we stop along the way.  Each stepping stone is an opportunity to reflect.

As we travel the journey of life we constantly evolve.  We grow from our experiences, the places we go, and the people we meet. At a stepping-stone it is a great time to evaluate all that you have picked up along the way and show gratitude for the person you have become.  It is also a great place to drop of excess baggage that is slowing your pace on your journey. Excess baggage is anything that is holding us back from being the best versions of ourselves.  Stepping-stones are necessary and pivotal. They are chapters in our book of life.

I am in the process of writing a book about my life, so I have been taking a detailed walk down memory lane.  I am so grateful for the journey that has brought me to the stepping-stone I stand today and I am eager to continue to the next.  Looking back over my life I can’t say that I regret any of my stops along the way.  I am grateful for each one, as it has contributed to the person I have become and am excited to watch myself grow as I reach the next.

I realized I haven’t always done the necessary house keeping at every stepping stone so at the one I am currently at I chose to assess the stepping stones that brought me to the stone I stand today.  House keeping to me is the same as tying up loose ends as to close one door before opening the next.  What an awesome process, while it was some what exhausting it was exilirating to know that I would be moving forward FREE.

Looking back over my journey has reminded me that we are all constantly evolving into better versions of the person we were just the minute before.  I have come so far in my thirty-one years and I can’t wait to see who I am in my next 31.  I think we all need to take a little time to reflect on where we have been, I think knowing where you have been gives you a better sense of where you want to go.

For Jon and Morgan this was a HUGE stepping-stone.  At this stone they joined together in each other’s journey, their two journeys became one.  Their next stepping stone will allow them to see how far they have come and give them a refreshed excitement of where they are headed.  The same holds true for all of us.  Take some time to reflect and give thanks, then sit back and enjoy the journey.

Dr. Martha Nessler

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Are You In A Relationship Triangle?

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, May 30, 2011

Are you in a relationship triangle? And no I don’t mean a confusing triangle involving you and two other people that is full of drama and question marks. I am speaking of a relationship triangle that involves you, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals you have for your relationship.  I have used the relationship triangle since I was 16 years old, when I  used it to explain to my boyfriend at the time why we weren’t going to work; we simply had different goals and were headed in different directions.  I have used it many times and it has served me well.

Relationships come in many types with the most common being love, work, friendship, and family.  In every relationship the objective is to grow closer while the level of closeness varies the objective remains to move in a direction that creates a bond of trust and respect.  To facilitate the growth of relationships both parties have to be working toward the same set of goals that will allow the relationship to strengthen.  If both parties are not moving toward the same goals they move apart from each person because one person grows while the other remains idle, barely moves, or regresses. It’s inevitable if one person loses focus of the relationship that rather than growing closer the two parties begin to gain distance and their bond weakens. The relationship triangle is a great tool that allows you to facilitate growth in your relationships.  All you need is a pen, piece of paper, the person you are in a relationship with, and the goals of the relationship.

Draw a triangle, a perfect equilateral triangle.  In one lower corner write your name and draw an arrow pointing up toward the tip of the triangle and do the same thing in the opposing corner with the other person in the relationship Now with that person begin to get clear on the goals of the relationship, clearly write them at the top of the triangle.  When both people are working toward the goals of the relationship then both begin to move closer to the tip and therefore closer together.  When someone begins to get lax or loses focus the two grow farther and farther apart.  The triangle is a great tool to facilitate growth.

I, personally, use the triangle in all my relationships and am now introducing it in to my practice.  The relationship triangle will allow me to help my practice members to clearly define and reach their goals and stay focused.  I place  “Dr. Martha and team” in one corner and the practice members name in the opposing.  At the tip I write out all their goals and ask them to get crystal clear on what exactly health looks like for them if they could have anything they want and what that looks like.   It allows them to clearly define their goals and to know what they are working toward.  The relationship triangle also keeps them accountable because at the top you also write your goals for them so they know exactly what you expect from them.  Expectation management is crucial in successful relationships keeping everyone on the same page and headed toward the same goal.  Giving your practice member a “map” such as the relationship triangle allows them to know where chiropractic is taking them and keeps them on track.  The relationship triangle is a great accountability for the chiropractor and the practice member.  My practice members are responding with enthusiasm and thanking me for the “map”.

Just as this triangle works in practice member-chiropractor relationships it works in all relationships allowing clarity, expectation management, and facilitating growth.  It is important to know where you are headed in any relationship.  I always say if you don’t know where you are headed, how do you know where you are going? The relationship triangle keeps everyone focused!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl